Inner Beauty Accents

Working with women day in and day out, I never cease to be amazed by how much effort some of us put into not feeling our feelings. We hide from them, we deny them, we pretend they’re not there. Why? What could possibly be so scary about a part of us that’s real and true and honest?

Of course, it’s not as if I don’t understand this particular issue. I know when I was a little girl; I was taught that emotions just weren’t “nice.” Anger was scary and dangerous. And sadness…well, who wanted to be around that? So like many of us, I learned to squash any negative feelings down, deep inside and just…forget about them.

Does this sound at all familiar?

Maybe you, too, learned at an early age that your real, honest feelings were something to be ashamed of. That any impulse you had that wasn’t cheerful or happy or helpful somehow wasn’t fit for the outside world.

Or maybe you decided on your own to banish any negativity from your life. Maybe you feel in your heart that willing those bad feelings to go away, or to not exist at all, will actually make them disappear or make you a happier, more positive person.

It’s completely normal and understandable. But it’s also not very good for you.

The thing about negative feelings is, they’re natural and they’re real – and everyone has them. To try to pretend they’re not there or try to force them to go away cuts you off from a part of yourself. And the problem is, that part of yourself may have an important message for you to hear, or lesson for you to learn. And you’ll never know what it is if you don’t let yourself feel your feelings.

So this month, I want you to spend some time letting those feelings out.

I know this might sound scary. But it doesn’t need to be. I’m not encouraging you to scream at the hostess at your local lunch spot when she makes you wait too long for a table, or to burst into tears in front of your boss when you don’t get that promotion.

I’m talking about feeling your feelings in a healthy, honest way.

And I promise, it’s easier than you think.

The next time you feel a negative feeling coming on, the first thing I want you to do is acknowledge it. It something makes you angry, don’t push it aside. Let yourself say, “Wow, that really made me angry.” If you feel sad about something, admit to yourself that you’re sad.

The next, most important step is to honor and validate those feelings. If you’re in the middle of a busy day, it won’t do you any good to yell at someone or break down in tears. But you can promise yourself that, just as soon as you can, you will deal with what you’re feeling.

And then, I want you to do it. If you’re driving home, put on some sad music and cry along with your favorite song. If you’re angry, you can even yell, or make a list of what you’re angry about – anything to get those feelings out and validate them.

Because once they’re out, you can face them and deal with them. You can think about what steps you want to take next, or how you can avoid the same thing happening in the future. You can grow from the experience.

So just by feeling your feelings, you can turn a negative into a positive.

Tags: building self-esteem, confidence building, feel beautiful, inner beauty, self-image, spiritual growth, your intuition